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WASHINGTON – Local singer Riley Wambach, who bought a questionable amount of Reddi-wip canisters, said a source close to him said he had made a million trips before being recalled to the frozen-food section of the grocery store where he had worked for 10 years. I simply celebrated achieving my Spotify stream.
“I am very rich!” Wambach sobbed on his knees with great joy. “I’ve had my butt broken in the music business for so long that I’ve started to think it’s never going to happen. You can live the life you were always destined for.. Then decide whether to buy a red Lambo or a yellow Lambo.Hashtag RichPeoplesProblems!”
Tom Poblano, manager of Fiesta Market & Deli, thought it was too early to celebrate his employees.
“MS. Bigshot can celebrate later. Now I have to clean up my soggy tilapia after one of my freezers was seized.” Like any musician, I don’t have the heart to tell her she needs this job to survive, and wait a few minutes after she puts it away before the service animals start eating Bagel Bites and the Hot Pockets section. You might point out that you picked up some nasty trash up front.
Music expert Tracy Graham explained that streaming services don’t reward artists enough.
“A lot of people have the misconception that you can get rich quickly by publishing your songs on digital platforms,” explains Graham. “Just because these sites have revolutionized the way fans listen to music doesn’t mean musicians get their fair share. Most of them have to work side jobs or live with their parents. Because if there’s one thing that stays the same in the music industry, regardless of new technology, it’s the ability to screw hard-working creators.These leeches are very resilient.”
At press time, Wambach was seen frantically calling his bank to ask where the rest of Spotify’s money was.
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